As I convince myself to sleep, my mind confronts my eyes unshut and sabotage my fingers to grab my device. While scrolling unhurriedly, I bumped into a certain quote of Aristotle that says, “What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies”. And so I asked, What if the soul inside annoys one another? Can he just leave the bodies? But what If he chooses to stay, whose body can he find peace?
Maslow’s heirarchy of needs include love, acceptance and belonging. Often, we find it through family, social groups and organizations, but mostly, we find satisfaction from friends. Friends, by definition, is supposed to be reciprocal, either optional or voluntary, involving two persons who are unrelated by blood. In other words, a friend is someone you like who likes you, and whom you share the same wavelength, and positive chemical reaction.
But what if your friendship turns unfriendly? Although, there are positive, wonderful friendships that are mutually beneficial to both friends that should last a lifetime and is worth the treasure. But there are other friendships that are negative, destructive, or unhealthy that should end. There may also be friendships that you thought were going well but, weren’t the one you expected. All of a sudden, your friend stops texting you, snobs you on the road, and there, the friendship ends. Two months later you still don’t know what happened, and it haunts you. When friendship is actually derailed, there you are trying to figure out, to the best of your ability, analyzing all concious and unconcious reasons. That is just disappointing and painful. Your friend completely shuts you, while you were left hanging and feeling ghosted.
As friends become closer and more intimate, the greater is your investment in maintaing the friendship. The positive turns into negative. The one whom you counted on for love, affection, trust, loyalty, camaraderie or respect has somehow destroyed the “commitment” you’re both in. The silence, and this betrayal of commitment to be friends was just as real as any harmful action. I’m still in shock, in denial and in disbelief.
But what if, it isn’t the latter’s fault? I never blame anyone, even myself. But what if, anything I did, might have caused it to go astray. Something I did that could have caused this rift. I don’t know. These are left unanswered even if I analyzed this situation on my own to the best of my knowledge and memory.
I write this because this requires attention. Too often, long standing friendships are taken for granted until it’s too late. Up until this very hour, Aristotle’s quote boggles my mind. Where lies the problem? The friendship known to be the “soul”? Or the bodies, known to be the “friends”?
We remain idle for two months. This cooling-off period allow us to step back from annoying situation and postpone dealing with irreversible words or actions. This somehow allows me to reassess, calm down and chill-out. Indeed! Only time provides!
P.S. Today is his birthday. I don’t know if I have completely lost my bestfriend, but this friendship of ours is important to me and would really want to work things out between us.
God Bless us all!